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| Well lot has changed. Not much to make my life any better but hey "look who's still alive and kicking". Eric is a married man and I am really happy for him and Amber. Soon time will fly by and then he will be a father since she is already 2 months along. I am in this where state where there are sometimes where I want to make new friends and then there are these times where I just want to stay in the basement and find a place down here where no one can find me and then never come out of that place. I will never be over Ashlee and that is my choice. I just hope that it turns out like "The Notebook". I will just be single till that 360 turn comes if it does. I know this might seem crazy but it is true she is the only one I want as my soulmate and as my wife. I am sure this might get a lot of bad comments but know what I don't care what people think about me anymore. Besides they would have to be close to me or my friend for me to even think about what they put.
Well enough of the sadness and o me pity story. Now I am really going to try hard to get a computer job and if that doesn't work out well then as I promised myself and always dreamed I will join the navy and hope to become a SEAL. If that goes good then I will not live with the regret of never joining.I don't think there is much more for me to say or that I really want to say. Oh I started going back to church again so I am tryin to live a better life and be guided by God.
For those friends of mine who have left me or don't want anything to do with me may God bless you, keep you safe, and watch over you to always be there if you need His help just talk to Him.
Live free, Die well | | |
| So for the most part up until today so far I have spend the whole weekend at home. I was hoping to meet this girl that I have been talking to for awhile but something happend to where she couldn't. I have goten sleep, read some of a book, played some video games, and watched some movies. I know that I should have used my weekend more wisely or at least got out of the house since sometimes it makes me depressed to not get out and have some fun with others. The only people who tried to get me out of the house was my sister not a problem and of course the problem ashlee. So I stayed home. She thinks just cause i talked to her on the phone that we can be friends and hang out as friends. LOL! Fuck that. Oh last weekend i went to faith church high and it was so scary because I was thinking someone knew and it ws also just scary. I am never going to church again unless it is for a wedding. I hate church and I somethings religion. Yea I know yea I am going to hell for hating church and religion but I say oh well. So it sucks being alone but who knows what is going to happend this week or this weekend. I might be going up to stay the weekend with Eric down in Salam not this weekend but next weekend. I hope that will go good cause I am sure I could use a vacation from the good old St. L. I have been missing someone lately but know they will never be able to come back and see me. That is why the song that I have choosen it the one I choose. It makes me think of this person. | | |
| woodlybohn: hi
xFxckdUpGirlx: hi
woodlybohn: two days til Thursday
xFxckdUpGirlx: hm
woodlybohn: or one all on how u look at it
woodlybohn: the concert remember
woodlybohn: arent you excited
xFxckdUpGirlx: yes i remember
woodlybohn: everything ok? or am I bothering you?
xFxckdUpGirlx: its fine
xFxckdUpGirlx: just doin something real quick
woodlybohn: o ok
woodlybohn: i think your boyfriend is pissed for me talking to you lol'
xFxckdUpGirlx: uh oh
woodlybohn: lol
woodlybohn: it is cool
xFxckdUpGirlx: thats very odd considering i don't have a boyfriend....its possible you have the gender mixed up
woodlybohn: so she is a girlfriend
xFxckdUpGirlx: maaaaybewoodlybohn: so friend or lover
xFxckdUpGirlx: thats great.. wonder how she found out
woodlybohn: ???
woodlybohn: i am really confussed
xFxckdUpGirlx: about what?
xFxckdUpGirlx: im in deep shit right now
woodlybohn: so u dont like guys like that onl like friends
woodlybohn: *only
xFxckdUpGirlx: no she hates men she doesn't like me around them
woodlybohn: so u two are together
woodlybohn: ?
xFxckdUpGirlx: yeah
woodlybohn: so does this mean you dont want to talk anymore
xFxckdUpGirlx: she might kill your ass
xFxckdUpGirlx: i mean last time the guy ended up in the hospital
woodlybohn: thats cool i am ready to die anyday i am very um fucked up in the head sometimes
xFxckdUpGirlx: i don't think you wanna die this way
woodlybohn: no i rather die by my own hands
woodlybohn: for the most part
xFxckdUpGirlx: believe me it would be a horrible painful death
woodlybohn: sorry i am causing so much problems
xFxckdUpGirlx: t's not your fault
woodlybohn: do u really want me to stop talking to you
woodlybohn: i will not be at the concert i promise you that
woodlybohn: we dont have to meet
woodlybohn: ever
woodlybohn: it was just fun talking and i dont have many friends and i just stay home all the time
xFxckdUpGirlx: awww i'm sorry... it's just that she practically owns me
xFxckdUpGirlx: oh shit she just called me
woodlybohn: why?
xFxckdUpGirlx: im in such deep shit
woodlybohn: sorry
woodlybohn: why she own you
xFxckdUpGirlx: it's weird kind of like a pact
woodlybohn: she needs to not put her happyness in a person
woodlybohn: cause everyone is going to disappoint you in someway at sometime
woodlybohn: what was the pact about
xFxckdUpGirlx: its just something we made
woodlybohn: about ?
xFxckdUpGirlx: she's really into bondage
xFxckdUpGirlx: so she owns me
xFxckdUpGirlx: she is my master now and i'm happy with thatwoodlybohn: so u are saying you will never be able to leave her and that she will rule your life til you die
xFxckdUpGirlx: yes and i said she could be my master and own me if she promised me she wouldn't drink as much
woodlybohn: well hey i will leave you alone if u want it is all up to you
xFxckdUpGirlx: it's up to her what she says goes
woodlybohn: well then i wont stop talkin to you unless you dont talk back
woodlybohn: ?
xFxckdUpGirlx: you have to ask her
woodlybohn: i am not talking to her
xFxckdUpGirlx: she checks my computer everynight
woodlybohn: she needs help and she is not right in the head
woodlybohn: i mean i am not either but
xFxckdUpGirlx: don't you dare talk about master that way!
woodlybohn: lol
woodlybohn: this some kind of joke
xFxckdUpGirlx: no i swear to god
woodlybohn: this is like slavery
xFxckdUpGirlx: no i get to come and go as i please she just check up on me ...alot
woodlybohn: she is worst than a parent or guriden
xFxckdUpGirlx: and as long as i dont interact with the people only she has givin the okay to then im good to go
woodlybohn: so u are going to let her rule your life forever
woodlybohn: this is past kinky i mean it is just wrong not right
xFxckdUpGirlx: she's not abusive or anything she actually has a very kind heart
xFxckdUpGirlx: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM
woodlybohn: not the way she was acting
xFxckdUpGirlx: yes because this is her territory
xFxckdUpGirlx: im not allowed to talk to anyone she doesn't know
xFxckdUpGirlx: its for my protection
woodlybohn: so then u will nore can every be in love
woodlybohn: and married
woodlybohn: til or if she allows it?
xFxckdUpGirlx: we don't believe in that much
woodlybohn: yesterday you acted like you would like to get married and have kids some day
xFxckdUpGirlx: yes and that can still happen
woodlybohn: ok but u just said that u dont believe in that much
xFxckdUpGirlx: i don't.but i have my days when i'd like to. we're still deciding
woodlybohn: so u will have to get married to her and somehow find a way to have kids but they will not be fully her or fully yours since she doesnt have sperm to reproduce
xFxckdUpGirlx: it doesn't m,atter if they or fully yours its about love
xFxckdUpGirlx: oh shit she's pissed
xFxckdUpGirlx: damnit!
xFxckdUpGirlx: im so screwed i gotta go she's home ... fuck she's throwing shit .. gotta go im sorry
Just when I thought I found someone who I could maybe see myself with. It sucks, hell it is fucking crazy. I hope one day she will grow out of these. Didn't want to let her know or anything but I am hurt just a little. Above is the last conversation we had. When shit hit the fan. I know it is not right of me to be putting this conversation on here but hell it is a fucking free country and it will be as long as we have man and woman fighting for USA. Well I think I am done now I must get back my drinking because of all this shit hitting the fan. | | |
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